Choose to Let Go

Letting go is so hard. It isn't in our nature to "let go." When it comes to the people and things that we love, we want to hold on tight. If we ever thought they might slip away from us, we would naturally squeeze as hard as we could so they wouldn't leave us wanting. But I am learning that the harder I hold on tight, the more I hurt myself and others. The tighter I squeeze, the less breath I and those around me have. I love ... therefore I squeeze. But God is telling me to let go.

Recently I had to let go of my faithful dog, Bosquo, who had been with me for fifteen years. I didn't want to let her go. I fought it so hard. She represented to me the true meaning of unconditional love. But she had degenerated to a point that for both of us, our quality of life together was suffering. I kept squeezing; it kept getting worse. As she pushed past seventeen years old (she was 2 when I found her, abandoned in Como, Italy), I didn't want to face her demise. I refused to talk or even think about it. But when God's quiet voice told me gently that she was a gift from Him and that I could give her back to Him, I knew I would have the strength to let go.

As my sweet companion breathed her last breath, my knees buckled and my husband Shane caught me in his embrace. Immediately, her departure carved a gaping hole in my heart and I missed her. A world without her didn't seem right or fair or whole. As I cried on Shane's shoulder and he held me in his strong arms, I had this sudden picture of her arriving healthy and young and spry again in Heaven, circling my grandmother's ankles, knipping at her nylons like she did when Grandma was alive. A wash of joy and freedom and peace poured over me.

As the Word says, "if you hold on to your life, you will lose it, but if you let go of your life for me, you'll find it" (Mt 16:25, paraphrase) Hold on, lose; let go, find. It's worth saying again: hold on, lose; let go, find. When it is most natural for us to hold on tight, sometimes we have to let go. Lately I feel like God is telling me to let go of everything -- let go of your comfort zone, your loved ones, your future, your ministry, your heart, your family ... so that I can give it all back to you in much better shape than you gave to me. When we hold on to that which we could wish we could control or change, we squeeze the life out of it and wear ourselves out; but if we let go, we find freedom and peace because only God can transform a life, a body, a marriage, a ministry, a child, a future,

Our fear in letting go is that we will lose. But in God's economy, we win. Bosquo is back in much better hands now. Truly, that dog brushed death so many times on earth that it's unreal she was still sticking by my side after fifteen years. It was better that she didn't get taken by the world's cruelty, but instead I willingly gave her back. Isn't that the journey of faith? To willingly give God all our hurts and all our fears and all that we hold dear on earth? Let's not forget His hands carved the universe, dotted the sky with stars, and weave newborn babies every day. His hands raised the dead, healed the lame and gave sight to the blind. His hands create crazy things like sea turtles and killer whales and birds of paradise. His hands are quite capable of handling whatever we place in them, aren't they?

After all, you never know what might fall into our hands when they are open.

Choose to let go.

In love,
Jen

Choose to be Transformed

(written August 2009)

I AM PACKING UP to leave a place that is very dear to my heart today. Our family moved to Lake Arrowhead, Ca about three years ago. When we moved here, we did it simply because we felt drawn ... "called by God," even.

WHEN I CAME TO the mountain, I had no real vision of what I would find here or do. I just knew I was supposed to come. Three years later, I realize that I have been completely transformed here. I am different in so many ways; I am new.

On this mountain, I have drawn near to the heart of God. I have seen His goodness and His glory. I have caught a vision that I could never have seen had I not come. I have glimpsed something truly beautiful here in the company of beautiful women. In this place, God has revealed to me my calling as a speaker and a writer; He has shown me a clear vison and given me a very specific message for the women and girls of this generation. And by surrounding me with women whose hearts are filled with service and sacrifice, He has unearthed for me what it is to be truly beautiful in His eyes.

I wrote my book here. I saw the potential of its impact here. I discovered my place in the Kingdom here. I broke free here. I faced the pain of my past here. I healed here. On this mountain, I grew into who I now know I am. So it is painful to leave. My heart is tearing. It reminds me of the time that Jesus brought Peter up to the mountain, and Peter wanted to build a house for Jesus up there and stay! And Jesus laughed at him, basically saying, now that you have seen my glory, we are going to go down the mountain and share it with the world.

Yet we are not saying goodbye. We are taking the beauty with us in our hearts. I will carry all that I learned here into this next chapter. As I pack my final boxes and put one foot in front of the other, I know with all my heart that Jesus brought me here to show me more of Himself, and that He now walks with me as I follow the narrow path. When it's hard, He will carry me. And I truly believe He will continue to show me His goodness and faithfulness in new and exciting ways.

Have you been to the mountain lately? Have you gone some place to see God more clearly? Have you sat still and glimsped His beauty? Have you looked for him in the rustle of the leaves and the flutter of hummingbirds? Have you sat at His feet or cried in His lap? Have you set your face to the sun and said, "Show me what it is to know you! Shine your face upon me and make a me a light in the world ...."

When we catch a vision, we are to take it down the mountain and to the world. We should be grateful for the times of solace, but also carry what we learned wherever we go. May the children of God seek His face and become so radiant, like Moses, with His goodness, that when we go down the mountain .... people see Him in us.

With great love,
Jen