As we enter a new year, it's a great time to take stock of the roads we've traveled this year and the path we hope to walk in the coming year. Looking ahead, I can't think of a more important step for 2011 than to choose forgiveness.
Choosing to forgive has been the most essential step in my journey to freedom. For a long time, I didn't even realize that I needed to forgive those who had hurt me in the past or even in the present. When I became a Christian fifteen years ago, I left my deep hurts in the recesses of my heart behind locked doors. But when I realized that the safest of hands held the key to my heart, I gave God permission to unlock those doors. When He did, they slowly cracked open; simultaneously, His light streamed in while my heart's cries poured out.
During that time, I gave myself a precious gift - counseling - giving my experience a voice. In the telling of my story, I took significant steps on the journey of freedom.
Once I understood what my experience meant for other women, I published my testimony (Girl Perfect). But after a while, the Holy Spirit prompted me to go deeper by writing a companion Bible study to go with it (the Girl Perfect Study Guide). If I had known what God would do with my heart in the writing of this study, I'm not sure I would have ventured in. All the while thinking I was writing it for other women, I felt Him reaching into the farthest corridors of my heart that unbeknownst to me had remained shut. The unspoken hurts came trickling out while His living water washed me from the inside out.
I realized that not only did I need to privately take a good look at each and every one of my pains, but that I needed to take those who hurt me one by one to the throne and hand them over. It wasn't sufficient to just dismiss them. Instead, I actually had to look each hurt square in the eye, name it, and commit it to the Cross.
Not fun. But so freeing. So many of us don't want to go through the tough work of forgiveness. We find it easier to sweep our injuries under the rug and dismiss those who wounded us, instead of speaking directly of the pain while bringing the one who pained us to the Father. When we go through this process, our grievances are replaced with grace, and our histories become just that ... history. We don't carry those people or wounds anymore, and our burden is so much lighter.
Forgiving is a command: we are to forgive as the Lord Jesus forgave us (Col 3:13). And He didn't forgive us by ignoring our sin; instead, he took the hardest of looks at it and mercifully released us of it.
Mark 11:25 says, "When you stand praying, if you hold anything against anyone, forgive him, so that your Father in heaven may forgive you ...." If you hold anything against anyone. No wonder the prayer Jesus taught us includes forgiving others as we have been forgiven. He knew that each day we have the potential to carry the ways others have hurt us, so he told us to release our burdens with forgiveness every single day.
Do you have unspoken hurts that you need to bring before the Cross? Do you need help forgiving someone? Whether it begins with a whisper or a wail, we have One who empowers us to forgive any debt.
When people say Merry Christmas, Happy New Year, Blessings to you in 2011 - make sure you slow down to take an honest stock of where you've been and where you want to go. Make forgiveness a choice for you this year. Refuse to carry any residue, bitterness, or baggage into the new year. These things will only serve to weigh you down. Do whatever you need to do to remove anger, spite, and resentment from your heart.
Remember that when Christ went to the cross for you, he also went for the person who hurt you. He took on his body every injustice known to man. He died for all humanity to live free, to choose him, and thereby choose freedom.
In 2011, make a choice that will clear the path you hope to forge ahead: Choose Forgiveness.
For further reading: Matt 6:14-15; Matt 18:21-35; Col 3:13
Recommended reading: Choosing Forgiveness: Your Journey to Freedom, by Nancy Leigh DeMoss
Wednesday, December 29, 2010
Friday, September 03, 2010
Choose the Crown
A while back I had lunch with a woman who had honored me to share my testimony at her women’s luncheon. I had just moved from California to Texas at the time of my speaking and felt unusually emotional in front of the microphone. I nearly always shed a few tears at some point in telling my story, and at this particular event, the tears streamed down my face.
I am very honest when I tell about the world I came from. For the sake of the women in the room, I don’t wear a perfect mask; instead, I share my experience from the heart. I intimately recall what it was like to call out to God I didn’t know from a place of sheer darkness, to be answered by Him, and to pass by faith into a life of light. Typically, I speak and write from the pit of my stomach, from the place that remembers well a life without God at the helm.
Over our debriefing luncheon, the woman commented that many women were moved by my testimony, but also asked if she could offer a correction.
“Absolutely,” I said, inching forward on the edge of my seat.
“The daughter of the King is not a victim, Jen,” she said, “She is a victor.”
At that moment I knew that as much as Christ had triumphed over my past, as much as God had restored my life with incredible blessing, I was at that time still speaking as a victim of the world. I was still giving more weight to the ways I was hurt than to the ways I’ve been healed. Why was it that I still shed tears when I told the story? Was I still hurt? Was I living like the wounded instead of the restored?
Many of you come from greater pains than I; many can’t even imagine life on earth without the Word as your guide. But if you have laid your life at the throne of Christ, you are given a beautiful, resplendent crown to wear, no matter where you come from.
Jesus came to “bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim freedom for the captives and release from darkness for the prisoners … to comfort all who mourn, and provide for those who grieve … to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of gladness instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair.” Isa 61:1-3
Are you giving the brokenness in your heart more weight than the fact that God can bind it up? Are you giving more weight to the captivity of your past or the freedom of your future? The darkness you’ve been released from or the shackle-free life ahead? The mourning or the comfort? The grief or the provision? The old spirit of despair or the new garment of praise? The ashes or the crown?
Recently, I felt the Lord ask me a simple question: Which weighs more, Jen, the crown or the ashes? The ashes are our pasts: the hurts, the injustices, the debts owed us, the ruins of what we had once hoped for but didn’t bear fruit. The crown of beauty is our future: the healing, the purpose, the truth, our cancelled debt, forgiveness, and grace.
I have a beautiful crown I put on at some of my events to show women and girls the power of what it is to be a daughter of God. I think I’ll take a scale today and weigh some ashes and weigh that crown. Of course I already know which weighs more.
I refuse to put more weight on my ashes, for the past can’t tell us who we are. Instead, I lay hold of the crown of the Daughter of the King, which gives us an eternal identity and destiny. We are crowned in victory, hope, restoration, and joy. The crown of the faithful carries the weight of authority and purpose that no bucket of ashes could ever outweigh.
Today and in the days to come, choose the crown.
I will clothe his enemies with shame, but the crown on his head will be resplendent."
Psalm 132:18
I am very honest when I tell about the world I came from. For the sake of the women in the room, I don’t wear a perfect mask; instead, I share my experience from the heart. I intimately recall what it was like to call out to God I didn’t know from a place of sheer darkness, to be answered by Him, and to pass by faith into a life of light. Typically, I speak and write from the pit of my stomach, from the place that remembers well a life without God at the helm.
Over our debriefing luncheon, the woman commented that many women were moved by my testimony, but also asked if she could offer a correction.
“Absolutely,” I said, inching forward on the edge of my seat.
“The daughter of the King is not a victim, Jen,” she said, “She is a victor.”
At that moment I knew that as much as Christ had triumphed over my past, as much as God had restored my life with incredible blessing, I was at that time still speaking as a victim of the world. I was still giving more weight to the ways I was hurt than to the ways I’ve been healed. Why was it that I still shed tears when I told the story? Was I still hurt? Was I living like the wounded instead of the restored?
Many of you come from greater pains than I; many can’t even imagine life on earth without the Word as your guide. But if you have laid your life at the throne of Christ, you are given a beautiful, resplendent crown to wear, no matter where you come from.
Jesus came to “bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim freedom for the captives and release from darkness for the prisoners … to comfort all who mourn, and provide for those who grieve … to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of gladness instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair.” Isa 61:1-3
Are you giving the brokenness in your heart more weight than the fact that God can bind it up? Are you giving more weight to the captivity of your past or the freedom of your future? The darkness you’ve been released from or the shackle-free life ahead? The mourning or the comfort? The grief or the provision? The old spirit of despair or the new garment of praise? The ashes or the crown?
Recently, I felt the Lord ask me a simple question: Which weighs more, Jen, the crown or the ashes? The ashes are our pasts: the hurts, the injustices, the debts owed us, the ruins of what we had once hoped for but didn’t bear fruit. The crown of beauty is our future: the healing, the purpose, the truth, our cancelled debt, forgiveness, and grace.
I have a beautiful crown I put on at some of my events to show women and girls the power of what it is to be a daughter of God. I think I’ll take a scale today and weigh some ashes and weigh that crown. Of course I already know which weighs more.
I refuse to put more weight on my ashes, for the past can’t tell us who we are. Instead, I lay hold of the crown of the Daughter of the King, which gives us an eternal identity and destiny. We are crowned in victory, hope, restoration, and joy. The crown of the faithful carries the weight of authority and purpose that no bucket of ashes could ever outweigh.
Today and in the days to come, choose the crown.
I will clothe his enemies with shame, but the crown on his head will be resplendent."
Psalm 132:18
Wednesday, August 04, 2010
Choose to Trust
In God we trust: these words are stamped on every dollar we earn and spend. What do they mean?
Is to trust God the same as releasing your cancer-stricken daughter to heaven’s arms while at the same time believing He can heal her on earth? Is it to move across the world when you have no idea what could steal your heart on the other side? Is it to give Him your wounded marriage, believing it’s better in His hands than yours? Is it to proclaim that He will provide financially? Is it to believe that if you commit your dreams to Him, His dreams for you could far surpass your own?
Our forefathers stamped these words on each and every coin because they knew that God is the most solid foundation upon which to establish a nation. None of us can see the future; none knows what’s coming around the bend. So when the Word says of itself, “it is a lamp unto our feet,” we see that trusting God is like walking along a darkened road with a beam of light shining just beneath our footsteps. Without that beam of light, how can we see what step to take next?
If you’re anything like me, you have many things in your life that are shrouded in uncertainty. You do not know that important situations in your life will turn out as you hope. During times like this, I cling to these words:
“For God alone, O, my soul, wait in silence, for my hope is from him. He only is my rock and my salvation, my fortress; I shall not be shaken … Trust in him at all times … pour out your heart before him; God is a refuge for us.” Psalm 62:5-8
To trust is to put the twists and turns of the coming path in His able hands. It is to believe that no matter what happens, He will not fail us. When we give God our pasts, our presents, and our futures, we are walking on solid ground. Only He is the sure foundation for our times (Isa 33:6). As the sands of life shift and change, if we are standing on solid rock, nothing will move us.
Trust is a moment-by-moment choice we make. It means opening up our palms and letting go of the things we want to cling to so badly. It means surrendering control and releasing outcomes; it means believing that as long as we place our hearts in the palm of His hands, all will be well.
When you don’t know what the coming days hold, pour out your heart to Him and He will lead you. And say these words again and again, maybe even with each coin and dollar that passes to and from your hands: In God we trust … In God we trust … In God we trust.
For further reading: Psalm 20:7-8; Psalm 25:2; Psalm 37:3-6; Proverbs 3:5-8
“Commit your way to the Lord; trust in him, and he will act.” Psalm 37:5
Is to trust God the same as releasing your cancer-stricken daughter to heaven’s arms while at the same time believing He can heal her on earth? Is it to move across the world when you have no idea what could steal your heart on the other side? Is it to give Him your wounded marriage, believing it’s better in His hands than yours? Is it to proclaim that He will provide financially? Is it to believe that if you commit your dreams to Him, His dreams for you could far surpass your own?
Our forefathers stamped these words on each and every coin because they knew that God is the most solid foundation upon which to establish a nation. None of us can see the future; none knows what’s coming around the bend. So when the Word says of itself, “it is a lamp unto our feet,” we see that trusting God is like walking along a darkened road with a beam of light shining just beneath our footsteps. Without that beam of light, how can we see what step to take next?
If you’re anything like me, you have many things in your life that are shrouded in uncertainty. You do not know that important situations in your life will turn out as you hope. During times like this, I cling to these words:
“For God alone, O, my soul, wait in silence, for my hope is from him. He only is my rock and my salvation, my fortress; I shall not be shaken … Trust in him at all times … pour out your heart before him; God is a refuge for us.” Psalm 62:5-8
To trust is to put the twists and turns of the coming path in His able hands. It is to believe that no matter what happens, He will not fail us. When we give God our pasts, our presents, and our futures, we are walking on solid ground. Only He is the sure foundation for our times (Isa 33:6). As the sands of life shift and change, if we are standing on solid rock, nothing will move us.
Trust is a moment-by-moment choice we make. It means opening up our palms and letting go of the things we want to cling to so badly. It means surrendering control and releasing outcomes; it means believing that as long as we place our hearts in the palm of His hands, all will be well.
When you don’t know what the coming days hold, pour out your heart to Him and He will lead you. And say these words again and again, maybe even with each coin and dollar that passes to and from your hands: In God we trust … In God we trust … In God we trust.
For further reading: Psalm 20:7-8; Psalm 25:2; Psalm 37:3-6; Proverbs 3:5-8
“Commit your way to the Lord; trust in him, and he will act.” Psalm 37:5
Choose to Honor
Did you know the most commonly quoted verse on woman’s beauty is sandwiched by instructions on how to honor our husbands? Whether we’re married or not, we better hear this one. Real beauty is characterized by honor. I’m not talking about a new eye shadow, a new top, or new drapes; I’m talking about the way we speak to our men.
From the overflow of the heart, the mouth speaks. A heart of honor speaks with due submission; a heart of pride speaks with undue arrogance.
1 Peter 3:3-4 have been my “life verses”: “ “Do not let your adorning be external – the braiding of hair and the putting on of gold jewelry, or the clothing you wear – but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God’s sight is very precious.” Following my history in the modeling industry, those words are a salve to my heart; all along I wanted to be worth more than just what people saw externally. I left the modeling industry upon receiving Christ, and have embraced this verse ever since.
How convenient that I would memorize verses 3 and 4 but not 1, 2, 5, and 6. After all, verses 1 and 2 called me to be “subject” to my husband, and even crazier for a speaker and author, to win my man over “without words” by my “respectful and pure conduct,” which would make me beautiful to him. Oh, how I tried many times to do that, but honestly it was easier to look as good as I could and not become overly concerned about my attitude. In my mind, verses 5 and 6 had little to do with beauty, for they stated that the holy women of the past adorned themselves with submission, obedience, and humility.
So when I got things all turned upside down in my marriage, God gently led me back to those favorite verses so He could turn things right side up.
As I began to honor my husband’s rightful place as the spiritual leader of our home, he took that role in stride; as I began to show him the respect due his position in my life, he began to tell me how beautiful I was; as I submitted to him even when I wasn’t sure, God blessed it with renewed love, commitment, and passion between us. The Lord literally reordered our household to be a reflection of His will for marriage, and we are so much happier.
I’ve learned the real meaning of beauty the hard way. Dishonor is ugly; honor is downright gorgeous.
When Jesus went to the cross, He went over the top showing honor. He made our clean slate more important than His pride – and His Father was the Creator of the universe, so He had reason to be quite proud. But He descended from heaven’s throne to take the lowly position of a common man, and bore on His body our dishonor so that we could be honored alongside Him in eternity.
One of my new favorite verses is “Outdo one another in showing honor” (Ro 12:10b). Honor is a choice. When we elevate others above ourselves, it’s beautiful, and we become reflections of the God we serve.
So today, and in the days to come, choose honor. It will make you look so pretty.
For further reading: Ex 20:12, 1 Sam 2:30, Rom 13:7, Heb 13:4, 1 Pe 2:17
“Honor everyone” 1 Pt 2:17a
From the overflow of the heart, the mouth speaks. A heart of honor speaks with due submission; a heart of pride speaks with undue arrogance.
1 Peter 3:3-4 have been my “life verses”: “ “Do not let your adorning be external – the braiding of hair and the putting on of gold jewelry, or the clothing you wear – but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God’s sight is very precious.” Following my history in the modeling industry, those words are a salve to my heart; all along I wanted to be worth more than just what people saw externally. I left the modeling industry upon receiving Christ, and have embraced this verse ever since.
How convenient that I would memorize verses 3 and 4 but not 1, 2, 5, and 6. After all, verses 1 and 2 called me to be “subject” to my husband, and even crazier for a speaker and author, to win my man over “without words” by my “respectful and pure conduct,” which would make me beautiful to him. Oh, how I tried many times to do that, but honestly it was easier to look as good as I could and not become overly concerned about my attitude. In my mind, verses 5 and 6 had little to do with beauty, for they stated that the holy women of the past adorned themselves with submission, obedience, and humility.
So when I got things all turned upside down in my marriage, God gently led me back to those favorite verses so He could turn things right side up.
As I began to honor my husband’s rightful place as the spiritual leader of our home, he took that role in stride; as I began to show him the respect due his position in my life, he began to tell me how beautiful I was; as I submitted to him even when I wasn’t sure, God blessed it with renewed love, commitment, and passion between us. The Lord literally reordered our household to be a reflection of His will for marriage, and we are so much happier.
I’ve learned the real meaning of beauty the hard way. Dishonor is ugly; honor is downright gorgeous.
When Jesus went to the cross, He went over the top showing honor. He made our clean slate more important than His pride – and His Father was the Creator of the universe, so He had reason to be quite proud. But He descended from heaven’s throne to take the lowly position of a common man, and bore on His body our dishonor so that we could be honored alongside Him in eternity.
One of my new favorite verses is “Outdo one another in showing honor” (Ro 12:10b). Honor is a choice. When we elevate others above ourselves, it’s beautiful, and we become reflections of the God we serve.
So today, and in the days to come, choose honor. It will make you look so pretty.
For further reading: Ex 20:12, 1 Sam 2:30, Rom 13:7, Heb 13:4, 1 Pe 2:17
“Honor everyone” 1 Pt 2:17a
Saturday, January 02, 2010
Choose to Pause
December 26th has always been my favorite day of the year. Of course this makes no sense to my kids. They can't imagine any day being better than Christmas.
But for me, it's about the "pause." It's knowing I don't have to go anywhere or do anything. There is no rush, no requirement. We can stay in our PJs all day if we want and play with our new toys; we can leisurely put things away or just make piles all over the house. We can nap; not answer the phone; pretend the whole world has stopped.
That's what happened when Christ was born: the world stopped. Everything changed. Hope came down; peace became possible; love held new meaning. Of course the world has turned it all around and made Christmas so hectic that there seems no time for pause. In our rush, mankind even abbreviates it: "XMAS." We literally "cross" the Christ out of Christmas.
No matter how many things I have to do in the month of December, I refuse to scribble through the word "Christmas". It is about Christ's coming and I will not cross that out. My entire life went on "pause" when Christ came into it. When God showed up on the path of my days, it's as if someone took a picture that I forever treasure in my mind -- it was the turning point. It was the end of the darkness and the beginning of the light. I can see it in my mind and my desire is to return to it always.
My husband Shane got a great gift from Santa this year: a picture of a baby pine growing up out of the snow in the shape of a cross -- beneath which it is written, "Christmas began in the heart of God." "I wish we could keep this up all year," Shane said. Maybe we will. Maybe it would make us pause. God designed Christmas for the "pause," for the time to reflect on the Savior of the world and the very personal meaning of His coming in each of our lives.
The world will not tell us to slow down, so it is up to us to create the time to sit around the tree and recall the memories each ornament represents; to make the time to read stories in front of the fire with our children or write down the thoughts of our hearts in love letters to those we cherish; to intentionally carve out the time to snuggle up with the Word and fill our cups with Living Water; to make the time to jot down goals for a new year and a new season; to put the world on "pause."
I hope you take the time to pause before the New Year ... and take time throughout the year ... to pause.
Merry Christmas and Best to you 2010,
Jen
But for me, it's about the "pause." It's knowing I don't have to go anywhere or do anything. There is no rush, no requirement. We can stay in our PJs all day if we want and play with our new toys; we can leisurely put things away or just make piles all over the house. We can nap; not answer the phone; pretend the whole world has stopped.
That's what happened when Christ was born: the world stopped. Everything changed. Hope came down; peace became possible; love held new meaning. Of course the world has turned it all around and made Christmas so hectic that there seems no time for pause. In our rush, mankind even abbreviates it: "XMAS." We literally "cross" the Christ out of Christmas.
No matter how many things I have to do in the month of December, I refuse to scribble through the word "Christmas". It is about Christ's coming and I will not cross that out. My entire life went on "pause" when Christ came into it. When God showed up on the path of my days, it's as if someone took a picture that I forever treasure in my mind -- it was the turning point. It was the end of the darkness and the beginning of the light. I can see it in my mind and my desire is to return to it always.
My husband Shane got a great gift from Santa this year: a picture of a baby pine growing up out of the snow in the shape of a cross -- beneath which it is written, "Christmas began in the heart of God." "I wish we could keep this up all year," Shane said. Maybe we will. Maybe it would make us pause. God designed Christmas for the "pause," for the time to reflect on the Savior of the world and the very personal meaning of His coming in each of our lives.
The world will not tell us to slow down, so it is up to us to create the time to sit around the tree and recall the memories each ornament represents; to make the time to read stories in front of the fire with our children or write down the thoughts of our hearts in love letters to those we cherish; to intentionally carve out the time to snuggle up with the Word and fill our cups with Living Water; to make the time to jot down goals for a new year and a new season; to put the world on "pause."
I hope you take the time to pause before the New Year ... and take time throughout the year ... to pause.
Merry Christmas and Best to you 2010,
Jen
Friday, October 30, 2009
Choose to Let Go
Letting go is so hard. It isn't in our nature to "let go." When it comes to the people and things that we love, we want to hold on tight. If we ever thought they might slip away from us, we would naturally squeeze as hard as we could so they wouldn't leave us wanting. But I am learning that the harder I hold on tight, the more I hurt myself and others. The tighter I squeeze, the less breath I and those around me have. I love ... therefore I squeeze. But God is telling me to let go.
Recently I had to let go of my faithful dog, Bosquo, who had been with me for fifteen years. I didn't want to let her go. I fought it so hard. She represented to me the true meaning of unconditional love. But she had degenerated to a point that for both of us, our quality of life together was suffering. I kept squeezing; it kept getting worse. As she pushed past seventeen years old (she was 2 when I found her, abandoned in Como, Italy), I didn't want to face her demise. I refused to talk or even think about it. But when God's quiet voice told me gently that she was a gift from Him and that I could give her back to Him, I knew I would have the strength to let go.
As my sweet companion breathed her last breath, my knees buckled and my husband Shane caught me in his embrace. Immediately, her departure carved a gaping hole in my heart and I missed her. A world without her didn't seem right or fair or whole. As I cried on Shane's shoulder and he held me in his strong arms, I had this sudden picture of her arriving healthy and young and spry again in Heaven, circling my grandmother's ankles, knipping at her nylons like she did when Grandma was alive. A wash of joy and freedom and peace poured over me.
As the Word says, "if you hold on to your life, you will lose it, but if you let go of your life for me, you'll find it" (Mt 16:25, paraphrase) Hold on, lose; let go, find. It's worth saying again: hold on, lose; let go, find. When it is most natural for us to hold on tight, sometimes we have to let go. Lately I feel like God is telling me to let go of everything -- let go of your comfort zone, your loved ones, your future, your ministry, your heart, your family ... so that I can give it all back to you in much better shape than you gave to me. When we hold on to that which we could wish we could control or change, we squeeze the life out of it and wear ourselves out; but if we let go, we find freedom and peace because only God can transform a life, a body, a marriage, a ministry, a child, a future,
Our fear in letting go is that we will lose. But in God's economy, we win. Bosquo is back in much better hands now. Truly, that dog brushed death so many times on earth that it's unreal she was still sticking by my side after fifteen years. It was better that she didn't get taken by the world's cruelty, but instead I willingly gave her back. Isn't that the journey of faith? To willingly give God all our hurts and all our fears and all that we hold dear on earth? Let's not forget His hands carved the universe, dotted the sky with stars, and weave newborn babies every day. His hands raised the dead, healed the lame and gave sight to the blind. His hands create crazy things like sea turtles and killer whales and birds of paradise. His hands are quite capable of handling whatever we place in them, aren't they?
After all, you never know what might fall into our hands when they are open.
Choose to let go.
In love,
Jen
Recently I had to let go of my faithful dog, Bosquo, who had been with me for fifteen years. I didn't want to let her go. I fought it so hard. She represented to me the true meaning of unconditional love. But she had degenerated to a point that for both of us, our quality of life together was suffering. I kept squeezing; it kept getting worse. As she pushed past seventeen years old (she was 2 when I found her, abandoned in Como, Italy), I didn't want to face her demise. I refused to talk or even think about it. But when God's quiet voice told me gently that she was a gift from Him and that I could give her back to Him, I knew I would have the strength to let go.
As my sweet companion breathed her last breath, my knees buckled and my husband Shane caught me in his embrace. Immediately, her departure carved a gaping hole in my heart and I missed her. A world without her didn't seem right or fair or whole. As I cried on Shane's shoulder and he held me in his strong arms, I had this sudden picture of her arriving healthy and young and spry again in Heaven, circling my grandmother's ankles, knipping at her nylons like she did when Grandma was alive. A wash of joy and freedom and peace poured over me.
As the Word says, "if you hold on to your life, you will lose it, but if you let go of your life for me, you'll find it" (Mt 16:25, paraphrase) Hold on, lose; let go, find. It's worth saying again: hold on, lose; let go, find. When it is most natural for us to hold on tight, sometimes we have to let go. Lately I feel like God is telling me to let go of everything -- let go of your comfort zone, your loved ones, your future, your ministry, your heart, your family ... so that I can give it all back to you in much better shape than you gave to me. When we hold on to that which we could wish we could control or change, we squeeze the life out of it and wear ourselves out; but if we let go, we find freedom and peace because only God can transform a life, a body, a marriage, a ministry, a child, a future,
Our fear in letting go is that we will lose. But in God's economy, we win. Bosquo is back in much better hands now. Truly, that dog brushed death so many times on earth that it's unreal she was still sticking by my side after fifteen years. It was better that she didn't get taken by the world's cruelty, but instead I willingly gave her back. Isn't that the journey of faith? To willingly give God all our hurts and all our fears and all that we hold dear on earth? Let's not forget His hands carved the universe, dotted the sky with stars, and weave newborn babies every day. His hands raised the dead, healed the lame and gave sight to the blind. His hands create crazy things like sea turtles and killer whales and birds of paradise. His hands are quite capable of handling whatever we place in them, aren't they?
After all, you never know what might fall into our hands when they are open.
Choose to let go.
In love,
Jen
Choose to be Transformed
(written August 2009)
I AM PACKING UP to leave a place that is very dear to my heart today. Our family moved to Lake Arrowhead, Ca about three years ago. When we moved here, we did it simply because we felt drawn ... "called by God," even.
WHEN I CAME TO the mountain, I had no real vision of what I would find here or do. I just knew I was supposed to come. Three years later, I realize that I have been completely transformed here. I am different in so many ways; I am new.
On this mountain, I have drawn near to the heart of God. I have seen His goodness and His glory. I have caught a vision that I could never have seen had I not come. I have glimpsed something truly beautiful here in the company of beautiful women. In this place, God has revealed to me my calling as a speaker and a writer; He has shown me a clear vison and given me a very specific message for the women and girls of this generation. And by surrounding me with women whose hearts are filled with service and sacrifice, He has unearthed for me what it is to be truly beautiful in His eyes.
I wrote my book here. I saw the potential of its impact here. I discovered my place in the Kingdom here. I broke free here. I faced the pain of my past here. I healed here. On this mountain, I grew into who I now know I am. So it is painful to leave. My heart is tearing. It reminds me of the time that Jesus brought Peter up to the mountain, and Peter wanted to build a house for Jesus up there and stay! And Jesus laughed at him, basically saying, now that you have seen my glory, we are going to go down the mountain and share it with the world.
Yet we are not saying goodbye. We are taking the beauty with us in our hearts. I will carry all that I learned here into this next chapter. As I pack my final boxes and put one foot in front of the other, I know with all my heart that Jesus brought me here to show me more of Himself, and that He now walks with me as I follow the narrow path. When it's hard, He will carry me. And I truly believe He will continue to show me His goodness and faithfulness in new and exciting ways.
Have you been to the mountain lately? Have you gone some place to see God more clearly? Have you sat still and glimsped His beauty? Have you looked for him in the rustle of the leaves and the flutter of hummingbirds? Have you sat at His feet or cried in His lap? Have you set your face to the sun and said, "Show me what it is to know you! Shine your face upon me and make a me a light in the world ...."
When we catch a vision, we are to take it down the mountain and to the world. We should be grateful for the times of solace, but also carry what we learned wherever we go. May the children of God seek His face and become so radiant, like Moses, with His goodness, that when we go down the mountain .... people see Him in us.
With great love,
Jen
I AM PACKING UP to leave a place that is very dear to my heart today. Our family moved to Lake Arrowhead, Ca about three years ago. When we moved here, we did it simply because we felt drawn ... "called by God," even.
WHEN I CAME TO the mountain, I had no real vision of what I would find here or do. I just knew I was supposed to come. Three years later, I realize that I have been completely transformed here. I am different in so many ways; I am new.
On this mountain, I have drawn near to the heart of God. I have seen His goodness and His glory. I have caught a vision that I could never have seen had I not come. I have glimpsed something truly beautiful here in the company of beautiful women. In this place, God has revealed to me my calling as a speaker and a writer; He has shown me a clear vison and given me a very specific message for the women and girls of this generation. And by surrounding me with women whose hearts are filled with service and sacrifice, He has unearthed for me what it is to be truly beautiful in His eyes.
I wrote my book here. I saw the potential of its impact here. I discovered my place in the Kingdom here. I broke free here. I faced the pain of my past here. I healed here. On this mountain, I grew into who I now know I am. So it is painful to leave. My heart is tearing. It reminds me of the time that Jesus brought Peter up to the mountain, and Peter wanted to build a house for Jesus up there and stay! And Jesus laughed at him, basically saying, now that you have seen my glory, we are going to go down the mountain and share it with the world.
Yet we are not saying goodbye. We are taking the beauty with us in our hearts. I will carry all that I learned here into this next chapter. As I pack my final boxes and put one foot in front of the other, I know with all my heart that Jesus brought me here to show me more of Himself, and that He now walks with me as I follow the narrow path. When it's hard, He will carry me. And I truly believe He will continue to show me His goodness and faithfulness in new and exciting ways.
Have you been to the mountain lately? Have you gone some place to see God more clearly? Have you sat still and glimsped His beauty? Have you looked for him in the rustle of the leaves and the flutter of hummingbirds? Have you sat at His feet or cried in His lap? Have you set your face to the sun and said, "Show me what it is to know you! Shine your face upon me and make a me a light in the world ...."
When we catch a vision, we are to take it down the mountain and to the world. We should be grateful for the times of solace, but also carry what we learned wherever we go. May the children of God seek His face and become so radiant, like Moses, with His goodness, that when we go down the mountain .... people see Him in us.
With great love,
Jen
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